The Giver
I spent four very long days on the trail confusing people, no doubt by my birth name, Crystal Gail. I’d introduce myself as such, and of course, I would be asked any of the following: “What song did I sing to get that name, “Was this before you shaved your head,” or my favorite, “Please tell me how that became your trail name?” My response was simple: shortly after my birth, I was given that name.
Though many people here on the trail call me Crystal Gail, CG, Welcome, or a mix of whatever they can remember, a few hikers have chosen something different.
After being stung by a bee a few hours into my first day, two British hikers wanted to name me stingy. Nope!
The following day, after waitressing in exchange for housing, I was called ‘awesome.’ There was no way anyone would believe I didn’t come up with that name out for myself, especially since I refer to myself as awesome all the time. I reluctantly said no.
After declining that trail name, someone suggested I be named ‘Server.’ There are so many negative connotations with that title. I vetoed the title, tried to explain why it was inappropriate. I can’t say for sure that the hikers well received my explanation that suggested the title.
The following day several people needed help with various things: directions, shakedown questions ( I’ve been shaken down so much I think I’m a master now – my base weight is 13, that’s including my neuro patient programmer that’s 1.5 pounds), and logistical questions about shipping items home.
I started to offer suggestions to help my fellow hikers, ultimately finding solutions to many of the worries that most hikers faced.
A young man from the night before said to me, ‘You’re right, Server doesn’t fit, you’re a giver. You’re “The Giver”; thus, I am “The Giver.”
I’ve been informed that ‘The Giver’ is an excellent read. After all, it’s worthy enough to be listed in the top 100 books of all time. I have not read “The Giver,” but I plan to someday.
Gear List
gear
ɡir/
noun
noun: gear; plural noun: gears
2.
informal
equipment that is used for a particular purpose.
If you are following this blog or reading it for the first time (thank you and welcome) I am preparing to hike the Pacific Crest Trail. Currently, I am seven days away from the start of what will be an epic journey.
I’m filled with a lot of nervous energy, putting the final pieces together. I have packed, repacked then packed, and repacked again. There are a lot of factors to take into consideration, regarding gear I’m all set.
Without further ado, the long-awaited Gear List:
Doubt
It’s not a terrible thing that we feel fear when faced with the unknown. It is part of being alive, something we all share. – Pema Chodron
doubt
dout/
noun
noun: doubt; plural noun: doubts
a feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction.
Thirty days until . . .
Those ellipses that linger after the countdown speak volumes. Yet, it means uncertainty. The feeling of uncertainty naturally leads to a sense of doubt. Doubt is starting to creep into my mind. All of the what-ifs . . .
What if ill-prepared?
What if my gear isn’t adequate?
What if I get chased down a cliff by a wild Markhor?
Yes, this has been a fear.
Yes, I know Markhor’s don’t live in North America, let alone on the Pacific Crest Trail.
The absurdity of this epic chase always leads to me being bit by a deer, falling into a river, and riding a manatee.
Uncertainty leads to fear, fear of the unknown, which leads to doubt.
I spend a great deal of time trying to establish a level of control regarding this hike.
I’ve calculated my speed.
I’ve mapped out stopping points (somewhat crucial in my case because of my need to recharge my neuromodulator batteries).
I’ve even gone as far as planning a family get-together in Portland, Oregon, on a specific date.
I realized this need for control is me not embracing the uncertainty.
My journey isn’t about following a strict schedule or knowing everything now.
It’s about releasing, letting go, and surrendering to the power of the unknown.
Accepting the . . .
No Excuse
The opening of this post may seem odd, but I’m pretty sure it will become clear if you read it in its entirety.
I’ve had many setbacks throughout my lifetime: depression, obesity, and rare brain disease, to list a few. I am also a childhood survivor of sexual abuse. The impact of abuse is long-lasting. The abuse violated my understanding of and relationship with the world.
In 2008, I attended a survivor of sexual abuse retreat at the Women’s Wilderness Institution in Boulder, Colorado. The Institute provided an ideal environment for women to reconnect with their inherent strengths and sense of well-being.
I believe that there is healing in nature. Along with six other women, I set off on a primitive camping expedition. Growing up in Florida, soft sand and beaches were my playgrounds. I had no experience camping, and I did not know that rock climbing was even an activity.
Today I came across photos from that trip. I was so cold that I needed two sleeping bags in one photo, and I didn’t drink nearly enough water. As with life, I survived.
Weighing in at 365 pounds, the traditional equipment did not fit me appropriately. The other women assisted me in tying knots to make a safety net of sorts. Wearing a make-shift harness, I scaled my way up the side of the mountain. It took a lot of courage to reach the top, but I fell in love with nature once there and knew I had the strength to do anything.
I finally understood the old Negro spiritual, “Rough Side of the Mountain,” and felt liberated. A year later, I developed the rare brain disease, Pseudotumor Cerebri /Intracranial Hypertension (IH).
My journey has never been easy, but the years following that trip were tough.
After fifteen surgeries (eight of which were brain surgeries), I am reminded of the first day I fell in love with nature.
I hear a lot of, “I can’t,” “I would but,” “With my condition, it’s not possible, “or “I’m not able” when I talk about my ventures. At first, I tried to be empathic with others’ situations, and then I recall having the physical strength at 365 pounds to lift myself up a mountain.
I remember waking up the morning after one of my brain surgeries eager to go for a run (at the time, I hadn’t run in over 15 years). I am reminded of my childhood and the courage it took to trust others and trust myself.
I am doing what no one has done before, hiking the PCT with a neuromodulator. Now, when I hear a list of excuses, they are just that, excuses. My motto has been “I can, I must, and I will.” If I can, you have no excuse.
***** Change of perspective: I better understand the value of lived experiences. We all face challenges and barriers. Because I can, doesn’t mean that if you’re not able to, you’re lesser than… you are YOU. Hike your own hike. (03/17/2018)
Budget Minded Gear
When planning a thru-hike, there are many things to consider; gear is the first. Hiking gear is expensive, but I have learned it doesn’t have to be. I have successfully obtained my essentials for under $600. Here’s how I did it.
I made a wish list and humbly asked for outside support. (*Thank you to all those who are reading and graciously donated. Special thanks to the anonymous shoe donor. )
I requested product donations from many companies, and a lot of companies rejected me. I am grateful to the companies that said yes, ACR (personal locator beacon) and Moving Comfort (sports bras).
I don’t have disposable income, acquired most items over time.
I diligently searched for sales. I purchased new products but from previous seasons.
My tent was a top seller when it came out in 2013. The same tent that was awesome in 2013 is still excellent in 2015.
Rather than purchasing a newer version of the tent, I bought an inventory close-out model for $50, but the rain fly was missing.
I later purchased the rain fly for nearly 50% off (from the manufacturer as a replacement). I bought an open box footprint similar to the rain fly situation.
I used a lot of promo codes. I had friends sign up for internet sites that gave me a discount for referring friends. This method worked exceptionally well.
I took advantage of sales and after-the-sale deals (post-sale items aren’t sold during the original sale and are marked down even lower). Note: This practice sometimes meant losing out – because the item sold out.
Although I still don’t know what outfit(s) I’m wearing during the hike. I frequent the thrift store. Most thrift stores have unique color tags, with 50% off that color day. I look for special tag color items, but it’s a thrift store, so anything I find relevant and fits I purchase.
The hike is about way more than popular gear.
When you stop to think about it, it’s all going to get dirty.
A hike shouldn’t leave you financially broke.
Please stay tuned
This blog was presented as a “hiking blog,” and there haven’t been a lot of hiking posts. I don’t start the Pacific Crest Trail until April of 2016, but also, I am much much more than a hiker. That said, I recently joined a group of hiking bloggers, and until the Pacific Crest Trail, if you are seeking a more Crystalized (smile) hiking perspective, you can subscribe to me there. However, it would be awesome if you stayed tuned on this site.
Find me here: Hiker Blog.
Spoiler– gear list will be posted in a few days.