Doubt

It’s not a terrible thing that we feel fear when faced with the unknown. It is part of being alive, something we all share. – Pema Chodron

doubt

dout/

noun

noun: doubt; plural noun: doubts
a feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction.

Thirty days until . . .
Those ellipses that linger after the countdown speak volumes. Yet, it means uncertainty. The feeling of uncertainty naturally leads to a sense of doubt. Doubt is starting to creep into my mind. All of the what-ifs . . .

What if ill-prepared?
What if my gear isn’t adequate?
What if I get chased down a cliff by a wild Markhor?
Yes, this has been a fear.
Yes, I know Markhor’s don’t live in North America, let alone on the Pacific Crest Trail.
The absurdity of this epic chase always leads to me being bit by a deer, falling into a river, and riding a manatee.

Uncertainty leads to fear, fear of the unknown, which leads to doubt.

I spend a great deal of time trying to establish a level of control regarding this hike.

I’ve calculated my speed.
I’ve mapped out stopping points (somewhat crucial in my case because of my need to recharge my neuromodulator batteries).
I’ve even gone as far as planning a family get-together in Portland, Oregon, on a specific date.
I realized this need for control is me not embracing the uncertainty.
My journey isn’t about following a strict schedule or knowing everything now.
It’s about releasing, letting go, and surrendering to the power of the unknown.
Accepting the . . .